There’s a phrase I’ve used for years when talking about influence: “The Holy Grail of Leadership.”
Why?
Because once you understand it and apply it, it changes everything about the way people experience you—and how much they want to follow you.
Here it is in one sentence:
People will only follow you when they believe you genuinely care about them.
That’s it. It’s not your title.
It’s not your paycheck. It’s not how many books you’ve read or how much charisma you can project in a room.
It’s whether or not people feel, in their gut, that you care.
Think back to someone you looked up to—maybe a coach, a teacher, a parent, or even a boss.
Chances are, they challenged you, sometimes even made you uncomfortable.
But you let them, because deep down you knew: they had your best interest at heart.
That’s the Holy Grail of leadership.
It’s not soft and fluffy. It’s not pretending everything is okay. It’s not people-pleasing.
It’s the rock-solid foundation that allows you to hold high standards without losing trust.
If you’d like to see this principle in action with real-life examples, I recorded a short video that goes deeper into the Holy Grail of Leadership.
You can watch it here:
Here are 10 practical tips you can start applying today to master it:
1. Practice Genshai
This ancient principle means “never treat another person in a way that would make them feel small.” Whether you’re giving praise, feedback, or correction, your words should lift—even when they’re firm.
2. Catch People Doing Things Right
Don’t wait for mistakes to speak up. Notice the wins. Acknowledge effort, not just outcomes. People are starved for meaningful recognition.
3. Treat People As Who They Could Be
Like Gurtu said, “If you treat a man as he is, he will stay as he is. But if you treat him as what he could be, he will become what he ought to be.” Speak to someone’s potential, not their present.
4. Take Responsibility for How Others Hear You
Communication isn’t about what you said—it’s about what they understood. If you weren’t clear, own it. Leaders don’t get to hide behind “Well, that’s not what I meant.”
5. Be the Last to Speak
Ask questions, listen deeply, and then add your voice. People feel respected when they feel heard.
6. Respond, Don’t React
When emotions run high, take a beat before speaking. Reacting from ego usually escalates tension. Responding with presence builds trust.
7. Apply the Platinum Rule
Go beyond “treat others the way you want to be treated.” Instead: treat them the way they want to be treated. This takes curiosity, empathy, and paying attention.
8. Take a Bullet (Metaphorically)
Great leaders absorb blame when it would be easy to pass it down. Protect your people publicly; coach them privately. They’ll follow you anywhere when they know you’ve got their back.
9. Take the Time It Takes
Shortcuts in relationships always backfire. Invest the time to really know people—their fears, their goals, their stories. Leadership isn’t efficient, but it is effective.
10. Be Soft Like a Brick
Remember: softness means people feel you care. The brick means you’re willing to have the hard conversations. Together, they create a culture of respect, accountability, and results.
Bringing It Together
The Holy Grail of leadership isn’t about perfection.
It’s about presence. It’s about showing up in such a way that people know:
This person is for me. They want the best for me. They won’t leave me where I am—even if it means saying hard things.
When you lead like that, you don’t have to push people.
They’ll follow. Not out of fear, not out of compliance, but because they trust you.
And that’s when leadership goes from pressure… to power.
Next in this series: “3 Checks Before You Correct: Giving Correction Like a Pro.”
Make it a great day,
– Ben
