There was a moment I wanted to disappear. I was out of money. My business was out of money.
And I was out of answers.
It felt like I was being pulled under by something I couldn’t escape—what I now call my “Black Death”: the darkest day of my life.
No matter how hard I tried to move, it felt like I was sinking in tar—thick, heavy, and inescapable. Not just financially. Mentally. Emotionally. Spiritually. But what I didn’t know at the time was this:
The breakdown wasn’t the end.
It was the reveal.
The Identity Crisis No One Sees Coming
When everything started to unravel, I realized how much of my identity was rooted in my success.
The income, the impact, the influence—it had all become who I thought I was. So when the success began to vaporize, it felt like my identity was evaporating too.
And that’s when I came face-to-face with a truth that pride tries to keep hidden:
Pride doesn’t always look loud.
Sometimes, it looks like survival.
It’s the drive to keep proving. Keep winning. Keep being needed. My black death wasn’t just a financial crisis. It was an identity detox.
When “My Burden Is Light” Doesn’t Mean What You Think
In my black death, I was mad at God. Because I had a promise I clung to:
“Come unto me… and I will give you rest. My burden is light.”
But there I was—suffocating in stress, spiraling in fear, feeling forgotten. Then came the reframe. Not a rescue, but a revelation.
In a flash, I saw the back of the Savior carrying the cross. Not as a symbol of weightlessness… but as light. Radiance. Illumination.
That’s when it clicked:
“My burden is light” wasn’t about ease.
It was about enlightenment.
What I was carrying wasn’t crushing me. It was teaching me. It was transforming me.
What This Means for You as a Leader
If you’re leading people—if you’re carrying responsibility—this message is for you.
When the weight hits, you’ll be tempted to believe it’s all falling apart. But here’s what I learned in my black death:
The burden doesn’t always get lighter.
Sometimes, you get stronger.
And in that strength comes clarity.
Humility.
Wisdom.
Compassion.
And the kind of confidence that no paycheck, no promotion, no platform can fake.
Your Black Death Is Not the End
If you’re walking through your own black death… if the world feels heavy and silent… Hear this from someone who’s lived it:
You’re not buried.
You’re being built.
The darkest day of your life can become the birthplace of your brightest light. But only if you let it illuminate you.
Make it a great day,
Ben Ward
